this is how i cope:
- cry (which hasn't been successful. can't even get a proper tear to roll down)
- call LL to complain
- distract myself with music and FB
- blog
- sleep
i'd like to have distracted myself by doing something more productive but that would mean marking which reminds me of my disappointment at being a failure at my job.
daddy just asked me how my audience with the P went and i told him how hopeless it was. i'm more convinced than ever that I AM GOING TO LEAVE. it just sucks to leave on a bad note.
i admit, the feedback given touched on a pertinent issue. i admit it's a weakness and i have to change. but to pit it against all my other positive attributes and decide that i don't have what it takes? i'm just terribly annoyed!! that it affects my future this way. and pissed at myself for crying whenever i talk or even think about it. i think its a mix of embarrassment and fear and anger. i always get offended when people speak against my character or attitude or family because i honestly have a good one. but i know, part of having good attitude is to take criticism as pointers to grow and change. so YES i shall exhibit good attitude by CHANGING for the better.
and that starts with sleeping NOW so i can wake early to mark books! yay.
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