red as a lobster

Last week i was at NTU netball training camp...

don't be fooled by the happy smiling faces, the camp was SO TIRING, it was seriously just netball 24/7 for 3 days. i even dreamt of training!!! for me it was as much of getting used to the culture of the team as it was about preparing for the upcoming season. i never spoke so much chinese in my life as i did those 3 days.

it was only when i met the SNP leaders for supper after we broke camp and realised how GLAD i was to see them and how much i missed being in their company that i figured how out of place i feel in this netball team. it's more than the language of course, i just don't feel like i belong...

hanging out with you makes me feel childish

i've been enjoying myself thoroughly this christmas weekend hanging out with my family and church friends... even though it's been a packed week, we had quite a bit of time to hang out in btw activities. i realised after spending time with them that i'm really gonna miss their company, especially the presence of my siblings. it's awesome staying in hall (and i miss Michelle already) but i miss home sometimes.

 i wish my one month break was a real holiday, but i guess its not meant to be-.-'' just filled up my new scheduler (thanks to glor sherm sarah fish!!) for jan and it's all trainings and matches. i suppose i'll come out of hols being pretty fit but exhausted as well. BAH. WHAT HOLIDAYS. it's gonna be one of those "tiring but fun" kinda season i hope. it sucks that i've to be taken out of track cuz i've IVP training on the morning of the IHG track heats:(  and it's not like i'm going to be playing on the IVP team either... this is what i'm missing 3/4 of the SNP retreat for?!! ARGHHH. 

this is my roomie melissa!! haha she's super cute and petite, and a hardcore anime and manga fan!!  was applying henna for her during our GBG (green block gang, the most awesome block in hall5!) mini oktoberfest hehe. it was fun, just lotsa beer n sauseges. the few of us went to hang out at some supposedly scenic spot, but apparently trees sprouted out of the hillside within a year and blocked the wonderful view.

ANYWAY i went for training today after a week of rest due to the sprained ankle. and WOW it was intense man, i ended training with a cramped calf (khai was like "see, the doctor say 2 weeks but you go n train then your leg liddat"). and i think i need to get new netball shoes! cuz i braked on the indoor court and my toenail jammed into my shoe and it HURTS now:/ but other than that i'm fine, my ankle's as good as new:) but i'll be laying off the heels for awhile to be on the safe side:) 

 i need to stop getting injured during training!!

khai bought me butterscotch bread

i'm actually running out of pictures to put on my blog. this is from fb!! heh. i love the whole album of me n michelle when we went back to vj after graduation (yes, in sch uniform, so cool right). we're gonna have an east-ie outing soon! so we can show Senior around the east, can you believe it, he hasn't tried Katong Laksa?!

i went to observe training today, cuz my ankle's still slightly swollen and i've been wearing the ankle guard everywhere. but i'm gonna take it off tmr so i don't get dependent. anyway it totally sucks to be at training but not train:( :( i really want to be back on the court!! it's like every training i miss is an entire skill that i'm lacking. at least i'm not missing team selections or smth, but the training is so intensive i feel that each session is so essential to my netball fundalmentals. but i know i won't impress anyone by training with a swollen ankle, and it won't help me either. so yes, i'll not train this week (SOB!!)

it's a good feeling to enjoy training so much that you miss it...

nursing my sprained ankle

Part of the GREEN BLOCK GIRLS! that's my roomie melissa holding the cam:)

time to revive my poor neglected blog!! I'M BLOGGING FROM MY NEW AWESOME LAPTOP IN HALL!!! hahah but honestly the lack of internet access in hall the first 2 weeks of sch isn't the only reason why i've not been blogging, it's just that i've not been slowing down to think (yes, busyness is my weakness). obviously i've been forced to think cuz i'm stuck in room with my sprained ankle:( it's pretty swollen and i don't wanna stress it by walking around much, so i didn't go for lessons today. in fact i overslept for class by like 5 hours hahah. but i think my body's just too exhausted la. only my 2nd training and already injured:(

YES i joined NTU netball!! i'm really excited about training with such an awesome team, the training's serious n professional n FUN:) sometimes my head hurts more during training than in class cuz it's really skill intensive, but i've never been more excited about learning new skills in a sport i've played for 6 years. the coach is doing fundamental skills now but at a whole new level of play. it's like i'm a total newbie when it comes to training with this team, they're seriously in a league of their own. that's why i'm quite annoyed at spraining my ankle cuz i don't think i can recover by mon's training, and every training is so intensive on new skills, missing one would be a real disadvantage. i already joined late cuz it's by invite only. i didn't meet anyone from the team till last fri (an acquaintance from umpiring) who casually invited me for trials. i can understand the exclusivity cuz of the level of play, and anyway the netball circle is quite small. just that i'm not in the circle cuz i'm not in any club... so yea it's really providence that i met that netball girl in the bus on the way to hall! i'm really glad to be training again tho, despite the fact that i'm so rusty and noob now!! heh. but i'm enjoying myself thoroughly:)

burnt!!

You have never been in love,
Until you've seen the stars,
reflect in the resevoirs

And you have never been in love,
Until you've seen the dawn rise,
behind the home for the blind

Zee Avi is awesome!!! i like this song of hers, take a listen-

Kantoi (youtube link)

i'm slightly burnt from netball this morning, but it's a small price to pay for finally being able to touch a netball after so long!!! and it was great playing with my juniors too:) met the new batch of J1s too, gave them lots of senior-ish advice heheh.

talked to mel the other day over dinner and realised what an impact netball had in our lives, i mean the life skills and stuff. and just like my sec sch coach predicted, we appreciate all the tough trainings and shellings she gave us then. thanks, coach:)

week 8

this week was exam week! not particularly stressful because we're just invigilating and marking the scripts, but it's so tiring! like seriously, we gotta stay awake for 1.5 hours (no toilet break) just staring at the students. and that's after 3 hours of block marking in the morning... 

but i'm not complaining, cuz this means hols are coming soon!!!!! and that i don't have to rush syllabus like crazy anymore...

i'm playing netball tmr with my juniors at some free and easy carnival... i miss the sport, i miss playing:) caught up with my juniors recently and really wished i could've been there for their season this year :/  but well i'm glad we still get along fine and that their passion for netball hasn't dampened one bit! it's infectious, almost. thinking if i should join bedok training (the netball club mel's in) when their league season ends, but i dunno if i can commit... see how it goes!

hope i can wake up tmr, game's at 9am. after that it's shopping with nicole!! 

ADD OIL

my juniors are having their first match for their a div netball nationals TODAY!

it really means alot to them. they've been eating breathing and living netball the past year and a half...

as usual, the draw wasn't too great (VJ always gets the TOUGHEST group in the draw, i'm not exaggerating). sometimes i think "they've already been thru enough dram, just let them get a good draw at least!"

but i think its meant to be. it has to be a fight to the end. i mean, there's no time for them to slack or be complacent or lose confidence. it HAS to be their BEST every time they step on court.

ya'll better take care! no room for error on or off the court. that being said, do enjoy the game! and the feeling of playing together:) it's what you rmb at the end of the whole saga, so make it worth remembering.

JIA YO

To the Sensational 6: VJNB'09/10

Dear Juniors

You girls have been absolute warriors these few months. Training has been intense and circumstances pretty rough, but you've all put in nothing less than your 100% effort. I'm very proud of how you have stuck together like glue, and I can only say what the next few months will put you thru will make the team gel even more - or tear it apart. Keep the openness and honesty among you, tears will come but tears among team mates are perfectly fine. The dynamics among the 6 of you makes it easy to make team decisions so make united decisions and keep each other in the loop.

Help to keep each others' heads up! No one motivates and inspires you more than your fellow-sufferer who perseveres with you. Make a decision to lift yourself out of the rut of failed expectations and to look on ahead, finding solutions for what you can change. We all face failure and disappointment but dwelling in it just makes you self-absorbed and depressed.

Would you rather win with a group of strangers or lose with your closest friends? It's seriously not the outcome but the process. If you don't enjoy the process you're not going to care about the outcome anyway. Treasure the experience and you'll find the victories even sweeter, because you made it together.

I don't dare to make any promises that season will go fine; in fact we all know it will be a struggle, a race up till the end. But you know you girls have my support and I'll help however I can, I'm only a phone call or sms away. Will be praying for each of you ;)

Love ya'll much <3

Wake up to a New Start

That's right, I am attempting to revive my poor blog! This is a picture a took while cycling home once, it's the last bit of natural open field that we have left in Tampines/Pasir Ris that's not backgrounded by high-rise flats or buildings. I wanted to cycle along this stretch again to my training at 8.30am but looking at the time and the amount of sleep I'm getting, not sure if it's a good idea.

I'm not going for training to train but to coach, so technically I don't get much exercise myself, hence the want to cycle. I'm going to negotiate a coaching deal with VJnetball's new co-teacher in charge so hopefully I can get to see my juniors thru another round of A div. Honestly if they can get a proper professional coach it would be the best for them, but if not I would most definitely put in my best effort to plan for and coach these girls. They have few but talented players and for the Year 2s it's another chance to fight for what's rightfully theirs - a place in the Top 4 in the Nationals.


Of course that would mean alot of energy and TIME MANAGEMENT from me, because I'm teaching in the afternoon session, 12-6pm. So by the time I go down for training I've to jump right into the court work, without being able to check on their ball drills etc. which is fine for the seniors but difficult for the newbies. Which is why I'm really hoping that good J1 netball players will enter VJC and be willing to join Netball. We really need people with good foundation so the team can focus on building chemistry. 


OH NO. I JUST REALISED I WON'T BE ABLE TO BE THERE FOR THEIR MATCHES CUZ IT'S IN THE AFTERNOON. THERE'S NO TYPE OF LEAVE I CAN TAKE!!! 

whattodowhattodoitsuckstobestuck!

Jocelyn's farewell (with photo updates)

After not seeing each other for a few months, it was good to be able to catch up with the team and talk about past present future (sorry i'm just so into this colour thing now). And as you can see we all had a dig at Therese's really cool shades (i want one!!!) which was just about the only bimbotic thing we did that night. ok besides trying to surprise Joce with this photo album thingy and tried to stall time to write in it by asking her to buy a slice of cake for June's birthday who wasn't coming (which didn't work out cuz poor Joce was smart enough to refuse to walk all over suntec looking for a lame slice of cake and just rest her tired legs at where we were supposed to meet)

and so after we all arrived (except of course the imaginary June who's being quarintined cuz she just came back from USA) we ordered and chatted and wrote in Joce's "surprise" book under the table - and that xueling who was sitting directly across her conveniently shook the pen in front of her!!!! -.-'' sigh but joce being so nice just kept quiet about it and pretended to be surprised when we passed it to her with the news that June was in quarintine and not coming hahha...

and so the night went on with an incredibly long table of people behind us celebrating someone's birthday and making so much noise i didn't feel embarrassed running around taking photos with the rest of the table. more photos!!!

Yes i know these are all on facebook which is how i get 90% of my photos anyway so go see ok? here's the nice group shot where clara looks incredibly tall (she's tiptoe-ing)

Been reading something about how each of our personal lives are part of a bigger story, a larger picture (no, nothing about group shots or camwhoring) and that even our gripes and complaints are used to greater effect in this narrative. Anyway i think if we really do think of our lives as a story it would make things more meaningful somehow, but kinda scary if you don't trust the one writing your life story - especially if it's yourself because i can't even count the times i've made a bad decision or needed guidance or been thrown into circumstances i couldn't get myself out of . But if you do know and trust the one writing your story then it'd make things alot less worrysome, like working towards a big exam or starting a new phase in life or simply getting thru the day, because you'd know the final outcome. Who's the author of your story?

long overdue post

I just read a blog post of one of my netball junior's, and i felt this rush of emotion (alright i admit the emotion would have rushed better if my head wasn't like a stone block right now from staying up just to finish up my LTC proposal). yea it was the same emotion that stopped me from blogging about that last 2 matches - although i really wanted to say almost ANYTHING that would cheer up my girls after the AJC match... But i realised it was just better to give them some time to let things settle down in their mind first rather than drown them in words of "it's okay" cuz obviously at that point in time it's not okay and everyone needs time to cry, even for a moment.

It's not a weakness to cry, it's an outlet for emotions to be expressed when words can't do it cuz your mind's too distraught to even comprehend the need for tears. I used to think that it's useless to cry because crying doesn't help anything or make things better, and i guess i use that logic now to stop myself from crying unnecessarily, but honestly all girls know that crying brings such relief sometimes. (and it's the best weapon against clueless guys HAHA) so sob your heart out girls, but remember not to let your emotions cloud your logic! emotions are such a tricky thing, especially when hormones and mood swings come into play.

ANYWAY i said to my juniors what i wanted to tell them already, wrote them personal notes of encouragement and thanks and other important stuff tho not related directly to netball. And seriously i miss them already, even though i haven't seen them for merely 4 days and i'm actually seeing them tmr! it's like missing them in advance, cuz i know i won't be seeing them that often, the seniors at least, and i don't have much reason to be part of their life anymore... which is sad when i put it that way but i really want to be more than a senior, more than a coach, but someone who takes a sincere interest in their lives - not just the part related to their performance on court. 

hey, when i say i love you girls i really mean it, more than a mere feeling of attachment or pride. i really wish i had more time to get to know you all personally, individually - you are all so unique and different! 

i super appreciate the support you all gave me and the contributions and sacrifices each of you made for this team. i'm really proud of you girls! and i'm proud to be related to this team, it's been awesome:)

An Amazing Team

i love you girls very much:)

VJNB

Okay so my biological clock has rewired itself such that i can't sleep even when it's past midnight and i'm not even stressed or anything! Great excuse to get on facebook and start blogging:)

If you don't know already, I've been going down to my old school, VJC aka the best school in the world, to help out with my juniors in the netball team ie. VJNB (victoria JC netball). Honestly, i'm not much of a netball coach (and i'm a really terrible umpire too, i went for this umpiring course and they told me i'd find some upper primary games a challenge to umpire - that's how terribly low my standard is!) but i figured my juniors just need someone to be there, and we can work things out together. Anyway they've a certain level of experience and expertise so i was sure they'll have an idea of what needs to be done, what they need to work on. Thus i was constantly asking them what they want to do for the next training, and of course i relied heavily on my teacher i/c for advice even though she's also known as the busiest woman ever (try taking charge of 5 CCAs - it's no joke!). I guess it's rather natural for a diplomatic person like myself to be open to suggestions, and especially when I've not too much confidence in what I'm doing!

It's really not my style to be domineering or aggressive in how i coach, or lead - thinking back on how i fared as a netball captain, i really was kinda "soft" in a sense, i didn't like to force or push anyone - and sometimes i think if i was harder on the team then, displayed and expected more discipline, my netball experience would've been richer than a dim feeling of what could've been. No doubt we didn't merely train just to win, but the fact that we were closer to our own classmates rather than each other, being team mates, left me with that nagging sense that i could've, should've done MORE to bring the team together, bonding, share more of our lives on and off the court.

To my 08 netballers, may there be opportunities yet for us to get to know each other better, to share more than just the name "team mates" . May we not lose this friendship we first forged under blazing sun, soaking rain, and even the starry night sky:)

This team that i'm coaching now (or as an acting coach of some sort, yes literally acting sometimes) is a real close knit group. Though far from being the ya-ya sisterhood kinda close (impossible with 12 people), these girls have taught me first hand what it means to be a unit, a Team. Different personalities, characters, mindsets - yet brought together by a common purpose to excel in their chosen field of sport. Always, they impress me with their never-say-die attitude, endless encouragement, and their ability to stay cool under pressure. The jovial atmosphere and peals of laughter that accompany each training session just shows how much they enjoy each others' company - just as i enjoy theirs!

My dear juniors, the reason why i came back to help wasn't merely to enjoy your company, or sustain my interest or involvement in netball. The reason was to let you know that it's pointless to chase after achievements, which many do and find it satisfactory - but only for a little while. Even the close friendships forged now may not last, because human love disappoints; ironic that i should say that because i know many times we push ourselves to the limit so as not to let the team down. But far from being cynical or pessimistic, i want you to know that there's more to life, something bigger, on a grander scale than we can ever imagine - a purpose worth living for, a love that's worth dying for.