new year resolution

ok so it isn't the New Year technically, but it's the start of the new academic school year for me.. and i'm gonna be a DILIGENT student! partially due to the fact that my boyfriend is such a hardworking student as well, always preparing for lessons and doing readings.. and since i'm not doing any hall stuff i have nothing else to do since the people i hang out with (hall friends=all final year students, coursemates=nerds, boyfriend=fervent freshie) are all STUDYING.

Actually i only made the decision to be consistent with my studying after devotion last wed... so if i carry it out, it'll be quite a real and visual change from God's Word.. i mean there are those applications you think of but never carry out, well, this isn't gonna be one of them!! YEAH LET'S GO DILIGENT E! just hoping that determination will outlast the enthusiasm hahah.. pray for me,alright? :)

cold war

the way things are going, it's as if i dated her and we broke up. for all her "manliness" she's really such a woman!!  2 females arguing and forced to work together is seriously a recipe for disaster. no wonder her life so drama. maybe i'm taking it so badly cuz this is the first time i've received such treatment, Z had to listen to me cry n complain for the past week.

i've been constantly torn between annoyance, regret, anger, frustration - and ended up doing what she does best: avoidance. avoid proximity, communication... even thinking about it gets me mad! but now things are settling in a clearer direction - acquaintances. i can't re-befriend someone who obviously finds it painful to have anything to do with me and gets all upset when i don't do what she expects. i mean, if she expected me to do something then say so! i may not have the same sense of urgency but if you wanted me to get it done before the weekend i would have. i delayed, but i churned out a decent piece of work regardless.

this episode has taken enough emotional toil on me and i refuse to stand around to get bullied anymore. i'll remember to BE OBJECTIVE.

friends, lovers, or nothing

there can only be one

start of something new

Falling for You
by Colbie Caillat


I don't know but
I think I maybe 
Fallin' for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting 'til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know where to
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don't know where to
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

God blessed the broken road

it hit me when i cabbed back with 3 bags of stuff from my work place tonight (2 bags of barang, 1 bag of marking) that things are not gonna be the way they are as of the past 1 year. yupp, i've been working at FSPS for almost a year! 2 weeks short, but still.. annoyingly it's the teachers' day fortnight (and my bday week) that i've missed this year and last so i decided to give my students an unsubtle hint - "if you want to give me teachers' day present don't wait until next week ah! tmr last day already!" still thinking if i should stash all my the teachers' day cards somewhere so i won't have to bring it to huishan's place and subsequently to the staff dinner-.-''

anyway i don't think i'm really at a fork of a road yet, more like a change of environment. but i think the crossroads will be coming soon when uni life takes me full force. i don't know exactly what to expect and i'm half putting up my defences while wanting to soak myself in the fact that i'm a student again! it's different hanging out with colleagues and with classmates you know, i mean besides age, it's like a portion of the working relationship thing hangs over you. that's why i've really enjoyed this past week cuz i think i've been letting my inhibitions down a little so i could be more kiddy and laugh n joke more, and maybe cuz my colleagues have been more relaxed w me too since i'm leaving. it's really a lovely feeling, to have people wish you the best - colleagues, bosses, parents of students... and saying goodbye has never felt so happy before! amid all the well-wishes i was really touched to hear from a colleague, quite unexpectedly actually, that i would be missed. i think after the hustle of change has blown over, i'll look back and find that yea, i miss the people here too. my first proper working experience has been so eye-opening and fruitful and made so pleasant by the people that's filled my days. thanks ya'll ;)

NEW PHONE

introducing.. the SAMSUNG WAVE!!! woooooooooooooooh. hahah yes it's a sort of iphone rip-off but i think it's pretty cool!!! it's seriously the nicest most expensive phone i've ever gotten. (i'm happy as long as the claim goes thru HAHA)

gonna get a screen protector then it's good to go! and i dropped it once already:( but it's fine!!! very hardy. hehe. better send in the warranty tmr.

school tmr!! thanks to gwen who helped me finish marking my WS!! u r da best marking-buddy ever:):):) too bad i forgot to bring the math WBs-.-''

started on my uni admin stuff last fri, gonna be down at NTU this wed to send in my forms and do my medical:) so excited to start this new phase.. CAN'T WAIT!!!

EXCITED MUCH

in case the sms/tweet/fb update didn't reach you, I GOT INTO NTU BIOSCIENCE YO!!!!! received the letter by post on monday:)

talk about answered prayer:) it makes the tears from the past few months so irrelevant suddenly. i'm really pretty ecstatic! oh and taariq got into UNSW medicine! it's like double celebration:) even tho it means he'll be leaving for years and years:/

now i'll be settling lots of admin stuff for uni, and buying stuff too! need to use up my LDS money from MOE before i send in my resignation. hoping i can get a PDA phone or at least an iTouch (cuz my iPod's busted, but so is my phone). yupp. will do some serious shopping over the weekend! hehe:D

fresh start

it's about making the best of what i've been given. it's about being honest with myself and learning from my mistakes. it's about accepting the tough things that are said and making the change. 

it's gonna be a fresh start:)

update

okay so you know i didn't clear my sch's assessment of my contract teaching right, which was for me to enter the diploma program in NIE (which i was gonna "upgrade" to a degree if i'd got it), but i had also applied seperately for an education degree at NIE/NTU as one of my uni choices. so we all assumed that the degree application would be affected as well, and i've been convinced since then that doing a regular academic degree would be best, and i could pursue a post-grad in education later if i wanted. yah well, guess what, i'm being offered the education degree at NIE. 

before you start congratulating me, allow me to explain the irony. merely 2 months ago i would've been ESTACTIC being accepted into NIE, but after the big disappointment i was all ready to change course and change direction, taking a break from Education (as a career, i mean). and then i end up being blown about back to square one, which i should've expected cuz it's what i had wanted when i indicated Education as my first 2 choices in degree courses.

so i sent out this email to ntu admissions office asking if i could appeal to change course, and michelle's gonna help me check my email and answer any calls on my behalf while i'm soaking up the sun in Batam. we'll see what happens in a week's time:)

who knew i'd change my mind after one major setback? maybe i'm right where i'm supposed to be.

HAIR/CUT

YAY i finally got my hair cut!!!! hahah after being inspired (ok, jealous) by my sister rebonding and cutting her hair, i went and had my long needed trim cuz those locks were getting pretty dry. and yea my tresses look pretty tame now cuz the guy blow-dried it so the ends don't stick out, but i don't really like this fake rebonded look cuz it feels older and more corporate somehow. i like my messy hair! haha. here, sideview!!

neat, huh? i'm so super happy cuz i cut my hair :D it's that pampered feeling i suppose. and my ponytail is so short and springy and happy! boo to my long and heavy and dreary horsetail of hair. heheh. YAY to new hair cuts!!

the hard way

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

countdown to hols begins

i am so tired. really hate bringing work home, but i must i must i must finish marking, clearing the books. because book-checking is coming soon. because i am trying to be a better teacher, responsible worker, hardworking and persevering. because i am trying to be blameless. but i am so tired. from the kids and the screaming and my blood pressure has definitely increased.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

9 more days to june hols

beauty for ashes

beauty for ashes
a garment of praise for my heaviness
beauty for ashes
take this heart of stone and make it Yours, Yours

i delight myself in the Richest of Fare
trading all that i've had for all that is better
a garment of praise for my heaviness
You are the greatest taste
You're the richest of fare

(Psalm 63, Isaiah 61)

beauty for ashes - shane&shane 

 

DAY 3

its been 2 days since i got the news of my impending doom and i've sent out 1 SOS to my church people, discussed it personally with my parents and sister, complained to most of my colleagues esp those sitting near me, called LL numerous times to mope even though she was having her last 2 papers and now she's celebrating the end of exams. after reading all the encouraging SMSes and FB msges, listening to the support from everyone else other than those who determine my near future, and looking at the situation as objectively as possible... i'm feeling better la.

despite wanting to be incredibly unmotivated since i'm being 'rejected', i've been making effort to be as BLAMELESS as i humanly can. i guess it's really a rude awakening:/ and about making effort in class (where it is almost impossible for others to monitor), thankfully my conscience and compassion for the little monsters are pushing me thru.

right. time for this new leaf of a good girl to go to bed so i can be in sch EARLY;)